Oldham Hulmeians 1 v 4 Old Boltonians 'B' (by Si Turner)
Team: Fray, Turner, Norse, R Taylor, Mullin, Kilburn, Horan, Milne, Jacobson, Southern, Barrett (Beardsworth)
After the previous week"s vital vanquishing of the then league leaders Hesketh, manager Milne expected a selection headache prior to this important away clash at mid tabled Oldham Hulmeians. For, with the return of the likes of Rob ’28 in 14’ Southern, back after a niggling neck complaint, Milne was faced with the prospect of tampering with a team that had given one of the most solid and perhaps professional performances of the season. It would take decisions of great courage and firmness to make legitimate cases for betterment...
However, as is becoming ever customary, manager Milne’s 1st (and bare) 11 was to be the product of a forced hand rather than fine tuning. Through reasons as polarised as pre season cricket training and spontaneous sojourns to Eastern lands afar, Jeff Taylor, Mark Lomax, Liam Watkinson and the irrepressibly eccentric Jimmy Freeborn were all absent. It was vital, therefore, that returning to the fold were the aforementioned Southern and rookie captain Ben Horan. With keen Olly Pimblett and long term casualty Jamie Griffiths back also, the stage seemed set to evidence the B Team squad’s much envied strength-in-depth.
Fast forward to Saturday at 2 pm and the wisdom of Robbie Burns’ famous utterance, ‘The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft a-gley’ had perhaps never resounded as truthfully. While Jamie Griffiths failed an extremely late fitness test, navigator Milne inexplicably lost two thirds of the pursuing convoy en route to the inscrutably located away venue. Left to negotiate the labyrinthine, traffic filled roads of Oldham, speedy Si Turner and the ever cautious Adam Norse with co-passenger Dan Barrett sought the the dubious advice of well meaning, semi-drunk vagrants in the desperate hope of eventually being reunited with the rest of the team.
This they did with 10 minutes to spare before kick off. Simultaneously, Captain 'Hulk' Horan arrived, late also, bemoaning his vain search for Olly 'AWOL' Pimblett who had been presumed dead having, it was imagined, fallen or been pushed into the Manchester Ship Canal.
And so it was that this bare 11 began this vital away tie having been lectured by the referee moments before kick off in the subtle nuances of his style that basically gave him license to invent his own rules throughout.
Having lost the toss the Bolts were requested that they change ends to play the 1st half into the wind. From the start, this decision proved vital as the opposition used it to their advantage by playing the long ball to their pacey front men. One such ball proved the Bolts undoing early on as a Hulmeians striker struck a decent half volley from 20 yards that Matt 'Dirty Sheets' Fray could only parry. Unfortunately he was unable to get behind it sufficiently to prevent it from creeping in at the near post.
Bolts were then subjected to a number of threatening attacks by Oldham but their strikers were unable to capitalise on good work from their dominant midfield. Midway through the half, Oldham were made to pay for their sloppy finishing by a quick Jacobson throw in that was flicked on by Barrett into the path of a decisive Rick 'Killer' Kilburn to take his season's tally to 6 - a valuable haul for the aging, bearded winger.
The Bolts continued to be pressurised throughout the remainder of the half as the midfield battle was won by Oldham but the half ended with honours even.
The 2nd half got underway and the now-wind-assisted Bolts looked a team reborn. The defence continued to be excellently marshalled by the always vocal Adam 'Hung Like a Horse' Norse and ex England Schoolboys keeper Matt Fray while the midfield rapidly began to exert itself as the game's power brokers, led by the inspirational Horan. Within a short while, the Bolts improvement was reflected in the scoreline as the Southern made it 2 - 1 with a cross-cum-shot that looped in over Oldham's keeper from the left flank.
The game continued much in this fashion with the jinxing Jacobson linking up well with Southern, the both being constant threats throughout the half.
Old Bolts' 3rd goal was to be a mixture of the sublime and ridiculous as Matt Fray, desperate to boost his Opta stats in his season's swansong, became provider with a (wind) assisted punt up field that found veteran front man Dan Barrett directly. By all accounts (i.e. Dan's) he 'anticipated it & smashed a first-time, over-the-shoulder Djemba Djemba-esque volley with [his] left into the top corner'.
By now the Bolts were in total control, the 2 goal margin being one too many for the now deflated Hulmeians.
In the closing stages virtuoso Southern delivered the final, knock out blow with a fine solo effort that saw him toy with Oldham's back line before rounding their keeper and slotting home to make it 4 -1, putting the contest beyond doubt and procuring himself the new nickname, '30 in 15'.
Beyond a late, squandered chance by Andy 'Super Cars' Beardsworth the match ended without any more incidents of note.
Afterwards the Vidiprinter (Milne's Iphone) revealed that results elsewhere had been favourable. Pints in hand, the sight of 'Old Boltonians B' sitting atop the Division, 5 points clear and a game in hand over second, brought to a pleasing end what had begun as a chaotic and potentially disastrous day.
Special mentions ought to go out to débutante Andy Mullin who stood in for injured Wes 'Broken Toe' Davis, Ross 'Utility' Taylor who, in consecutive games has performed solidly in a vareity of different positions and Matt Fray who leaves us temporarily after a sterling season between the posts to embark on his fledgling accountancy career.
MoM: Si Turner